A little disclaimer before starting: no way is this piece for the sake of spewing hate to those behind the creation of these low-tier mini-games. A lot of love and hard work from the guys and gals at Mediatonic go into the design and implementation of each Fall Guys level, even the ones that make us want to kill ourselves in the loading screen, and we love them in return; some of us just feel JUST A BIT critical. But hey Without further ado, let’s kick off the first of the worst Fall Guys mini-games in season one.
5. Royal Fumble
Like 99% of the Fall Guys player base, if a mini-game we’re about to play involves tails, we all mentally communicate our despair with each other across the world like a hive mind. What adds insult to injury however, is having a tail game as a final found after clawing through 3-4 other rounds over 15 minutes to get there. Fall Guys‘ frustrating tail physics, making it sometimes near impossible to grab the winning tail despite being in a literal grabbing position, doubles in failure by somehow allowing your opponents the magical ability to grab said tail off you, despite being what seems to be 5 metres away. You know it’s bad when some hate it so much, the developers made it appear less frequently as a final round.
— Kotaku (@Kotaku) August 11, 2020
Mediatonic have assured us that a fix for the tail physics is on their to-do list, but because it’s quite complex technically speaking, we’re going to be met with tail-fumbling despair for a while, even on a reduced level. Until then, Royal Fumble should just be patched out of the final round selection algorithm completely
4. Perfect Match
Another that makes us sigh, this time the second we see the words “Perfect Match” on the loading screen; not because we’re about to play something that feels technically or mechanically broken, but because we’re about to be incredibly bored. For three stages of a memory game that increase in difficulty, Perfect Match doesn’t really require any skill after you’ve gotten used to it after an introductory playthrough, making the near- 2 minute play time start to feel like an absolute slog. Sure, if you’re a bit tired after a long day and the third stage, testing you to remember where five different fruits are, can be a small challenge. On the other hand, that can merely be resolved by following the hordes of other players to the right spot. This one’s more like an imperfect match.
3. Tip Toe
Writing up the first draft of this list, I felt a bit off not including any of the racing mini-games. BUT WAIT. Tip Toe actually is a racing level. It only FEELS like a trial and error cluster of mayhem that chips away at my soul. Tip Toe has an interesting premise on paper: look out for the shaky floor tiles, some will disappear when you step on them, find a correct path towards the end as quick as you can to qualify. In practice, it’s the only Fall Guys mini-game that completely goes against what it sets out to be. What’s supposed to be a race to the finish line is more like a war of attrition.
There are only two complete paths in the whole of Tip Toe, so common sense with the goal in mind tells you to follow the horde. That leaves you with a crowded, narrow pathway of about 10-20 players resisting the grabs and shoves of one another, all whilst playing chicken in wait, hoping for someone else to test the tile ahead; doing it yourself likely means that you’ll fall to your temporary death, being forced to start again behind everyone else and risk being eliminated as you’re catching up.
Tip Toe? Here’s a tip: no.
2. Block Party
If Perfect Match is the Fall Guys epitome of boredom, Block Party is that same equivalent of stress. Not the kind of casual stress you’d associate with messing up in games, but the everyday kind of stress that makes you hate human beings as a whole. Another simple yet fun promise on paper: you’re all on a small platform, Tetris-like blocks are trying to push you to your death, avoid and you’re golden. Easy, yeah? Haha. No. Throughout the near two minutes of play, the advancing blocks merely call for standard reflexes and spacial awareness, all made harder by the 20 or so other beans getting in your way, causing you to stumble over and be swept away by one of the monstrous rectangles.
With such a small spaces to navigate up to the final moments, this has happened to us more times than we care to mention. Meanwhile, the “grabbers”, those who always find it really funny to hold others in their place at every opportunity, make it all the more difficult to get out the way, adding to the likelihood of being dragged into the pink gooey death at the bottom. Sure, falling is the name of the game, but there’s a special place in hell reserved for those who intentionally try to take the fun out of it for others.
1. Tail Tag
Ugh. Most of us knew this was coming. Even writing about Tail Tag triggers my PTSD from discovering what true pain really is. Compared to Royal Fumble, the absolutely broken grabbing mechanics in Tail Tag are multiplied by the 30+ players you have to navigate around. Unlike Team Tail Tag, where the injustice of having your tail taken from a mile away can be buffered by the efforts of your same-colour team mates, the solo equivalent acts as the ultimate f*ck you. If you’re playing Tail Tag in the third round of an episode, an enemy bean steals your tail despite being a floor below you and there’s two seconds on the clock, it feels like the game itself has stolen the 10 minutes you just invested away from you. Whereas other Fall Guys mini-game like Slimb Climb and Fall Mountain, where success relies on a mixture of luck and skill, winning in Tail Tag depends more on technical support.
You’ve had the worst, now be sure to follow up with the best. Which level is of the most superior design? Find out with our official list of top 5 Fall Guys mini-games.